Category: Blog


Gorgeous Fall

  This semester has been crazy for me. I have been trying to juggling among some really demanding classes and work. I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I had the luxury to spend some quality time just with myself. Well, the gorgeous that we have been recetly having persuades me to do so. I decided to take a camera and just walk around, with no specific destination, with all others soildiering by, to collect some color and smell for my soul.  There was one tree behind Jesse Hall, having leaves from light green at the bottom all the way up to dark red, SIMPLY GORGEOUS! I almost cried to myself when I saw it.  I appreciate the surprisingly precious gifts from our mother nature.
  Photo by Yue Jiang

A bush across the street from Columbia Missourian

outside the geology building

behind the geology building

At the Finger Lake in Columbia, Missouri

outside the engineering buildingoutside Jesse Hall

At Finger Lake in Columbia, MoThe gorgeous gorgeous tree behind Jesse Hall

   For a journalism major, accurate and proper language usage is really a big deal. I used to be pretty good at it, untill I came to America, since when I have been trying to excel at the language I wasn’t brought up speaking….

   Trust me, my friend, this is not easy at all! I feel as if I have been living in a giant transparent bubble: I couldn’t say stuff the exact way I want it, and I can’t say that I understand all others were saying, either. I miss the times when words were something to play with; I miss the times when I could smile noddlingly to some instant witty remarks of others; I miss the times when I read a beautiful sentence or two, I would space out with the satisfaction melting in my heart.

   This is why I’ve been jealous of Asian Americans since Day One: they have unique Asian backgrounds they can relate to and many of them speak perfect English!  For me, I learnt most of my expressions from the sitcom Friends, which is why I still use slangs a decade old and sometimes make inappropriate jokes….

   I wish I can talk to people as easily as others….I hate it when I’m aware of the possibility of getting more information from the people I have interviewed or the possibility of making the interviews smoother if I had spoken perfect English.  I did make some friends in my classes, the feeling that I could’ve bonded with them more or even made more friends if I had a better master of English. I just wish it’s my personality, wisdom and deligency that matters the most, not my ability to master a tool!

   Well, anyway, the good thing is that I’m getting better. Just like what I’ve been saying before, I will keep “showing up” in terms of language practice till whoever is up above says: Hah, I have made her wait for too long, it’s time to realize her wish….”

   I thought this Thanksgiving would pass in peace like many others untill my roommate had an car accident right on Thanksgiving day. Luckily nobody was badly hurt, well, at least not phsically.

   It happened on the way to the STL airport, where she would’ve picked up her mom. Things would’ve been much simplier if I hadn’t invited her over to my boyfriend’s house, which was an-hour drive from the airport. Even with a GPS , she was still not confident enough to navigate herself through the darkness all the way to airport. So, my boyfriend offered to drive guide her. ( We thought we could do some shopping afterward before we realized that almost no place would be open on Thanksgiving night@_@).

   It happended at a sharp turn, five-minute drive till we could’ve reached the airport.  I didn’t feel it that sharp a turn in my boyfriend’s car, as he knew there would be a difficult turn ahead, so he had slowed down long before the turn and at the same time remained on that single lane as inner as possible. Right after we made the turn, I turned around to see if my roommate has caught up yet. Just at that very moment, I saw a little silver car hit right into the blocking bukets of sand, the bukets bursted with sand splasing ,reflecting the headlights, like fireworks.

   My boyfriend pulled over. I kept asking if this was his fault, as by that time it still didn’t occur to me it was my roommate, and I just didn’t want us to get into any trouble other than pulling over and offering some help. It was not untill we rushed to that car and I saw blood streaming down from my roommate’s nose did I realize what had happened and literarily shouted out:” oh, My God!”

   The front of her car was completely bumped up, blown air bags streching, and the honking still on, as if it was trying to cry off the pain, making it annoying, even disturbing, for us to talk to each other for comfort and solutions.

   Luckily, one of us was experinced and calm enough. My boy friend called the police, cleaned up the road and kept gusturing other passing cars wondeirng what was going on to keep driving, since it has all been taken care of, while the three of us waited in his car. My roommate hit her nose a bit, and another friend riding with her bumped the corner of her eye. Panic and upset took them more than the phisical pain, as on top of the accident in front of her, she had to make numerous phone calls to make sure that her mom, who came to America for the first time, would be taken good care of.

  The police came about 15 minutes later, with intimidating police lights flashing, making it almost impossible to see the officers. Plus they weren’t speaking as nicely as we had expected, which was understadable, as it was holiday and the police are not usually called in to attend a joyable party….

  Since my boyfriend and I weren’t directly involved with the accident, the police officer, who was a really cute lady by the way , shouted us back to our car. I was debating the whole time whether I could step outside the car and watch while the towing truck doing its job, since I was realy curious about how it would work, but still a little intimidated, fearing even a tiny disobey would get me into the trouble, as I assume I should take police orders literaly.

  After like a century, my roommate’s car was towed and the police officer gave her two tickets, one for careless driving, another one for not carrying the proof of insurance in her car. My boy friend thought the police officer giving out the ticket for careless driving was only because the police didn’t want to take the effort to do full investigations over accidents, otherwise it would take much longer and much more resources.

  I hate to say this, but I still think I witnessed this car accident, when I don’t know how to drive or own a car.  I’ve always thought my dad’s driving at normal speeds in any situation annoying. After this accident, I’m more than willingly to train myself to be a driver like my dad. Yes, he had me miss something otherwise I shouldn’t have if he had driven faster, but he hadn’t hit anything in his entire driving life and he’s still alive as a driver.

Your mind is a puppy

   Your mind is a puppy. You have to train it, otherwise this puppy that crawls onto your lap with the cutiest look will pee on your carpet as well.

   A buddhism class I have been taking is recently talking about medication, which from my understanding is an examination of one’s mind and the practice adopted in order to seek the truth of life. I’m personally more fond of metaphors than preaching when I try to make sense of something, especially something as tangible as meditation. One’s mind is like a mirror, usually with worldy dust and scraches. One smoothens those scraches and dusts off the mirror through meditation, so the mirror can reflect what is truly going in the world, meaning one reaches the final truth of the universe and is set free from all the sorrow and suffer.

   The reason we suffer is that we have been ignoring the roots of suffering and refusing to take solid effort to cut off the source of suffering. This ignorance builds up a wall between us and the truth and tranquility. Conducting meditation is like to chip off that wall, one piece at a time, and eventually the wall will collapse whose ruins stepped upon by us to reach the other side, the Nirvana.

   I registered this class originally because all the other humanity classes I wanted had gone by the time I got to select my classes. Also, I do want to know what the fuss is all about in Buddhism, after all I’m from a country once greatly influenced by Buddhism. My mom claims herself to be a buddhist…well, by this time, I can tell that she’s not, at least theoretically.  Buddhism has been localized gradually since its arrival in China around 3rd Century A.D., and to the most parts it has been mixed with some superstitious beliefs and rituals. My mom is one of many Chinese who have been taken superstition as Buddihism, although I do appreciate the fact that she is respectful of the myth of the world and life, no matter what that is.

  I  have hardly gained solid loyalty to any specific religion yet, giving the fact that I was brought up in an almost secular community and being taught that I have to fight against the deliberate puzzles that whoever is up above throws into my life on my own. Luckily I’m spiritual. I’ll try to figure myself out as I go~

I will keep showing up

  A radio story I did for KBIA was aired this Thursday morning in the Business Beat, KBIA’s weekly feature program focusing on apparently business in Mid-Missouri. This is the first journalistic piece in English of mine that got published or aired.

   I was putting on clothes that morning when my voice just flied out of the radio. I was stunned for a second and was like, wait a minute, this was me, in the radio!! I didn’t expected it because it was two weeks ago when I turned in this story, and only had an uncertain word from Janet Saidi, the news director at KBIA that they might use my story in the Business Beat. My piece wasn’t aired in the Business Beat in following week, and I thought they might just throw it into the morning news bundle or even in the afternoon. But there was no sign of that happening in the week after, either. I almost started to comfort myself about the failure when my piece got aired.

I allowed myself to emerse in this pure joy and comfort for a whole day. I hugged pretty much everyone I saw that day, with Professor Byron Scott being the first one (I hope he didn’t mind me being a little sweety from the biking in the morning), because going to the Global Journalist show was the first thing for me on Thursdays, and Professor Scott happened to be the host that day, and I found him in the suspenders trousers kinda cute.

Okay, back to my story. It was about Delta Airlines decides to forgo the federal subsidy while continuing to proivde airline service through Columbia Regional Airport.  The increase in passengers made it possible for Delta Airlines to run a profitable business here, even though it would be nice if there is federal subsidy, but the subsidy comes with an operational guidelines that Delta has to follow, so after balancing all the factors, Delta made the decision to forgo the subsidy starting September. 

I pitched this idea for the bi-weekly project, but got struck down because it looked more like a day-turn story. But as the reporting went on, it turned out to be a story that should’ve deserved a week of reporting. The lessons I learnt from this are do as much as pre-reporting as you can, so you can speak for the legitimacy of my story pitches; and the other one is to stand firmly with my ideas, don’t get shaked easily by a couple of seemingly sharp questions or doubts anyone may have about my pitch.

Right, back to my story. I was excited that Janet let me voice it and expanded it to a wrap. I got more excited when Janet said I got some good sound bites, and this might be used in the Business Beat. And when it was finally aired, I felt like I was like up high in the sky, above the cloudes, surrounded by lasting gentleness and warmth.

This is more than just the first aired story for me. This is a certificate saying that I’ve survived here. This is gentle strokes on my head with someone saying ”I know you’ve been through a lot, you deserve this”. This is a thumb-up from up-above meaning I’m on the right track, just keep going.

From Augest last year, when I came to this country for the first time, I kept asking myself: Am I nuts here? I’m trying to compete with others with a toolbox that other students were brought up using, by this toolbox I mean their native language and all the social, commicational and cultural codes. I work extremely hard, but most of the times I just got to reach the level that many others might not even notice that they have already reached. (draft, to be continued)

A review of the summer

Only when I start to blog again did I realize that it’s been quite a long time since I blogged the last time. I jotted down key words that I wanted to blog about the whole time, but, for some reason, it just didn’t occur to me to finaly sit down and do it. Anyway, I’m back.

I went back home during the second half of the summer break, which was such a relief for me, saw my parents again after a whole year, catched up with friends, had food that I was brought up eating, elbowed my way on city buses, strolled by the sea I have dipped myself in millions of times, wangled for hairpins and nail polish in wholesale shopping centeres….etc. All the tastes, smell, sounds, all the senses, all the surroundings were telling me that I was home, I was home, I was home….It was simply wonderful to be back on that side of the globe again, the side with my roots, earnest hope and deepest love.

I interned in the biggest newpaper in Shenyang, the capital city of  Liaoning Province, over the summer, too. The name of this newpaper could be loosely translated into Chinese Business Morning Post. It’s a morning paper with a circulation of 500,000 copies. I got three articles publised with my bylines and got a general idea how a Chinese local morning newspaper operates. What I did during that two-week period of time aside, one lesson I got from this intern is that never to work for a Chinese local newspaper. Most of the publishable news is trivial and related to people that are not pleasant to deal with. Most of the time if you want to do an important story of great relevance to readers, you’ll find yourself in deep frastration, facing the censorship from above, denial and perfunctoriness from the sources you want to pursue, especially officials. Another thing that I’m not passionate about is the poorly structured information system, which makes it extremly frustrating to look for or request for data and records. It just doesn’t seem like anyone cares enough to keep records, and even if they do, they can easily block the access.

I was so glad to get to know so many amazing episodes of many of friends’ life during the year I was away. Yang Ruobing is doing a huge project with a prestigous history professor, Yan Ru had fun in Enrope and is now in Taiwan for her semester as an exchange student, Hu Lei is enjoying the relationship with her loving boyfriend and is preparing for the GRE test. Oh, Li Dai, who’s the vice presient of the student organization I was envolved in during my freshmen year back in China, got admitted  with her soul mate to the same university in France; Chi Yu, a girl two years senior than me back in high school got admitted by Duke University and now we are on the same continent; Yuchan Zhao, got an excellent intern in fashion in New York City. I can go on and on on this list. It’s simply satisfying to bare in mind that people I know are having a great life, which lightens up my life as well. I’m thankful of all the sparkling moments I had with my friends and wish all the best to them.

Wow, seriously, I do have a lot to say, too sleepy right now, will continue tomorrow.

Just read an article about different kinds of multimedia approaches to telling stories. I am amazed that ,in 2005, flash journalism has already played such a significant role. Now on almost every news website, videos, slideshows with or without audio, interactive infographics, spaces for comments, e-mail share links are commonplace, such a dynamic landscape of the news world. One thing that’s not mentioned in this article is the sharing links to leading social websites, such as facebook and twiter. Facebook was born in 2005 and twiter just kicks in in recent years, but they’ve caused quite a stir not only how people communicate with each other, but also how information is disseminated and shared. The link box below is found on a New York Times webpage, and it appears besides almost every article on its site, the same with many other news webpages in the country. I really think it an excellent way to disseminate news and it’s good business,too. Through the corporation between the news company and the social sites, both parties become good catch for advertisments.

share links on a nyt webpage

新闻课的项目总结

新闻课的project做好了,分数还行。主要是通过这个project对美国又了解了一些,与这个城市又亲近了一些。

               项目链接

Lauren,Bennett和我

当初报课题的时候是我想做大麻或者K2, 因为在这之前了解了一个吸大麻的北京女孩儿,让我对这个问题产生了极大的兴趣。凑巧的是我们组的那个男的Benett是个兄弟会的,这方面有实践又有素材,当然他也把偏见带到项目里,不过我和另外一个女生Lauren尽量平衡,整体的效果还是不错的。

K2 是一种草本混合物,上面喷上一种叫做JWH-018的化学物质,当点燃吸食时能产生跟吸食大麻相仿的迷幻感觉。目前在美国,大麻被列为一类药物,意味着它具有极强的上瘾性,需要最严格的管制,除了医用大麻外,其它一切关于大麻的活动,比如种植,贩卖,持有,吸食等等都是违法的。但是K2,和一些其它类似草本物质,由于刚刚进入人们的视线,大面积的立法管制还没跟上,但是由于其类似大麻的特点,已经开始激起波澜了。其特殊性和敏感性造就了其新闻性。

我们的video interview选定了一个叫Bocomo bay店的店主John。Bocomo Bay卖了一个阶段的K2,现在转为卖其它类大麻的草本物质。主要由于禁止K2的法案已经通过密苏里州的议会两院,正在等州长签字呢,John及时跳出了这个泥潭。因为十有八九这个法案会通过,毕竟密苏里州已经有两个郡将JWH-018列为一类药品了,堪萨斯州紧随其后,最近的是阿肯萨斯州的Springdale市,这张法网正在逐渐铺开。

John是一个公开的同性恋,和他的同性恋同伴一起经营这家店。他们都年过花甲了,算起来他们年轻的时候应该正赶上美国60,70年代的同性恋权益运动,想必他们这一辈子活得也不易。John曾与一位女性结婚,有三个孩子,后来因为与男性婚外恋而离婚,他接受心理咨询得知自己应该是同性恋,这以后才开始他的作为公开同性恋者的生活。这让我想起电影《断背山》,记得第一次看的时候是惊讶和难过,现在已经习以为常。在美国呆一阶段就像打了一种疫苗,怪事都不再是怪事,那只是这里普通人的生活。

关于K2的制造者,我们找到了两个正在上社区大学的学生Mike 和Alex,他们在网上订购JWH-018, 在自己厨房生产,卖给像Bocomo Bay这样的店,价钱不菲,三克装一般会卖到$25。三月这家店遭到了抢劫,一整个货架的草本物质都被洗劫一空,但是对于一天能靠卖这些类大麻草本物质赚$5000多,他们根本就不在乎这点损失。值得一提的是,这两个学生是从中国订购JWH-018,看来中国制造不止局限于我以前以为的纺织品和塑料,这是好事吗?

我们没能采访到州议员,想想也是,人家咋的也都是大忙人,不太可能理我们这些做课题的小屁孩儿。我和Lauren采访了市警察局的新闻发言人Jessie Haden.这位女同志极其能唠,给一个小问题她能从古至近由远及近得说上十多分钟,被我称之为引言女王,大量信息和观点,句句都可以加上引号就放到新闻报道里,真是天然的新闻发言人呀。从她那儿我们了解到3月这里一所高中6个学生被发现在校吸食K2,由于他们早先还吸了白粉,所以情况很严重,不得不被送进医院。但由于K2目前尚合法,所以这些学生只是违反了校规,但这一足以说明K2和其他的类大麻草本物质已开始蔓延到低龄人群中。

说到吸食大麻和其他娱乐性药物的使用,这应该追溯到美国60年代开始的在青年人中的反叛潮流。其实说反叛不准确,应该说是追求另一种生活方式。二战后的青年一代正值国家极其富裕时期(二战后美国财富占世界总财富一半),高等教育迅速普及,青年人开始追捧流行音乐,青年消费市场也随之迅猛膨胀。中学生学校生活开始社会化,女生初潮时间提前,开始化妆,约会,汽车文化使孩子可以远离家长视线随心所欲,很多青年人的第一次性经历是在汽车里。同时,青年人参政的热情也急剧膨胀,越南战争和其他大小冷战中的冲突激起了学生反战情绪。这一切促成了一种挑战主流观念的文化潮流,青年人开始流行使用娱乐性药物,同居,搞摇滚乐,甚至改信亚洲宗教。嬉皮文化和WoodStock音乐节就是这个时代鲜明的特色产物。

再说回这个项目。我和Lauren还采访了学校警署署长Wiemer,一个耐心的大好人,重听录音的时候自己都皱眉,英语还是急需提高呀,不过在采访Jessie Haden的时候情况就好一些了,还是得多说多练。

为了做图表,我向市警察局申请索要近三年有关大麻违法案件的数据,才知道还需要花银子。在给警察局写支票的时候像是在交保释金保谁出狱的感觉。除了要交钱,拿到数据才发现我要的是近三年,他就正正好好给我近三年的数据,从07年4月到10年4月,而不是像我想象的从07年1月开始,真是见识到了美国人的锱铢必较。我可不想再花钱买那三个月的数据,于是就只做了从08年至今的图。显示今年第一季度关于大麻的犯罪率明显降低,是K2和其他类大麻物质在发挥着替代作用。

做这个项目的期间去了几次Bennett兄弟会的房子,外表光鲜,里面乱的不可理喻,尤其是Bennett的房间。Bennett是他家第二代进入这个兄弟会的人,他甚至根本不知道花销是多少,直接由他父辈埋单。美国兄弟会的新成员都要经历一段苦行期,主要是接受老成员的各种指使,羞辱甚至虐待,持续时间和苦行程度各异。因为这种苦行文化会造成不同程度和身心伤害,所以它在大多数地区是违法的,但是这根本无法阻止这种仪式的延存,只是让其更隐秘甚至更残酷。我看到过一段调查美国兄弟会苦行文化的报道,一些苦行手段包括高强度的军事化集训,把人关到笼子里烫烟头,往人身上泼洒呕吐物等等,有造成新成员死亡的先例。在Bennett的兄弟会,苦行期要持续一年,我亲眼看到新成员被迫从窗户进出房子,而且必须西装革履穿戴整齐,Bennett要份沙拉,一个新成员就乖顺得照做。这都只是冰山一角。Bennett说这事儿如果认真说能说几天几夜,我估计说了我也不能全懂,也就点到为止算了。一些姐妹会里也有苦行期,充其量是些女生之间卑鄙的游戏,终归不会像兄弟会那样过火。这让我想起冬天去看兄弟会和姐妹会在返校周的房屋装饰比赛,觉得他们这样生活好有情调,现在才开始慢慢了解他们复杂甚至肮脏的内幕。酒精和大麻或者其他草本物质是兄弟会和姐妹会文化中相当显著的一部分,他们贯穿频繁举办的各种party甚至于平常的生活,Bennett给我展示了一下怎么抽叶子,我也被迫闻到了些二手烟,不是什么好味儿,但是会刺激人的神经系统,扭曲视线,就是所谓的迷幻感觉。

Lauren是个可爱的圣路易斯女孩儿,纯良外向,但是缺乏一些做新闻的闯劲儿和头脑。

当堂的项目展示大家都没准备,我上去代表俺们组胡乱说了一通,再一次提醒自己,要清晰得说英语!!努力吧。

城市选举

四月六号晚上城市选举的结果出来了。Bob McDavid被选为新市长,Daryl Dudley 和 Gary Kespohl 分为第四区和第三区的区议员。这些日子一直关注他们的竞选过程,甚至跑步的时候都看到各家各户门前的草坪上插着支持候选人的牌子,听到自己熟悉的名字出现在新闻里,这种感觉还是挺爽的。我欣赏这里选举的透明化和所运用的完善的制度。比如每个候选人要定期向选举委员会上报自己得到的赞助金额和利用方法,候选人要举办各种各样的筹款活动,举办多次辩论以把自己的施政方针宣传出去。我去听过两次市长选举辩论和区议员的辩论,每位候选人的脾性多少都体现在他们的表现中。我认为Jerry Wade掌握的信息最为详实,毕竟他有较长的从政经历,但是他的傲慢只能让他止步于区议员了,市长的人选应该更老练但谦逊随和,比如当选的McDavid,从医28年,当医院的董事会主席12年,人脉深广又为人谦逊,这是拉赞助的基石。毕竟选举还是个金钱游戏,得到最多资金赞助的McDavid当然当选。Wade和McDavid的对峙似乎又展现了一次黛玉和宝钗命运纠葛。值得一提的是一个年仅23岁的正在上社区大学的学生Sean O’Day也参加了市长竞选,虽然每次辩论他的言谈总是最薄弱的一环,但是他的勇气和由这体现出的美国政治中的草根文化还是有必要圈点出来的。

campaign signs in residents' front yards 居民花园里的选举牌居民花园里的选举牌

campaign fliers 选举传单

pollworkers at one polling station,April 6th 一个投票站的工作人员

 这次选举的投票率只有20%,也就是说只有1/5的注册选民参加的投票。四月六号白天我去一个投票站瞄了一眼,人确实不多。 这应了美国的大潮流,随着国内人口流动性的增大,还有越来越多替代政治的消遣方式,比如电视,美国人民参与当地政治活动的兴趣不断降低。两大党的政党初选参加的人也都是带有强烈政治观点的人,大部分老百姓还是该干啥干啥。这跟国会里面两党终日打得不可开交形成鲜明对比呀,除了新生事物大家都没缓过来神儿或者很少涉及利益纠葛的事件能在国会轻松的通过,其他的任何议题不在国会里经过百般锤炼甭想成为法律文件,最近吵得沸沸扬扬的医疗改革就是个很好的例子。那天打工的时候我们还猜药品改革至少要经过15年才能成型,一方面以加州为首的地区在宣扬大麻合法化,另一方面以堪萨斯州为首的地方在不断强化药品管理法,这还都只是在州这一层面,等到各州定下态度,联邦那一层还得再吵一番,况且目前药品法的严密导致大量拘捕进而造成美国监狱严重短缺。药品法案改革既不是新生事物又涉及多方利益,所以没那么十多年真的是没法指望国会做出大举动。        

 再扯回到这个城市的选举。哥伦比亚市的政体是manager-council system,就是由各个选区的区议员和市长组成的议会立法,议会任命的城市经理管理日常行政工作,城市经理任命除了法官和议会秘书的其他部门部长,这种政体被美国大部分政区,比如城市,郡等所采用。美国大部分大城市采用的是mayor-council system,即议会立法,市长进行行政工作。这两种政体都是在19世纪末20世纪初的政治革新运动中兴起的,manager-council system还额外得益于同时期公司体制的改革,即公司聘请CEO管理公司,采用manager-council system的地方就像一个公共企业一样,城市经理就相当于CEO,议会相当于董事会。   
sample ballot 选票样本

the precinct ballot counter 投票机

除了选人,选票上还有一些需要市民公决的议题,比如是否在市中心安装监视录像机,比如公共教育委员会可不可以发行债券筹款以进行学校设施修缮,又比如城市经理可不可以任命一位副经理在经理缺席或残疾的情况下代理其职务,等等。虽然在网上看到一些人留言提到这次选举也有尔虞我诈,毕竟有人的地方就有肮脏,但我还是相当欣赏这里的选举制度。  

我还记得上高中的时候好像参与过一次市级的投票,选什么我忘了,感觉国内政治还是以空降和排队为主调,倒不是说这种方式不管用,好多地方发展的也不错,只是希望能多一些透明度,制度能更完善。

春假时段

周五打工刚进locker room发现两三个人在劝正在哭的Angie,我听到了些只言片语就赶紧出去了,在所有的全职员工里面我最喜欢Angie,因为任何一个人都能轻易感受到她由内而外焕发出的那种乐观与真诚,这个鬼地方都能把Angie搞哭,实在是够呛。做pizza的间隙,我过去跟Angie说不管发生了什么我都希望她能每天快乐,然后我们抱了一下。这让我想起去年一次教堂的人载我买菜,回家的路上她絮叨起她和她女儿的矛盾还有她感慨自己开始老去。每个人的日子在每个不同的阶段都有纠结和挣扎,珍惜当下和拥有吧。

晚上去听了一场诺贝尔经济学奖获得者Finn的演讲,主旨是各国实质经济指标浮动的相近度大于名义指标的相近度。欣喜的是自己居然听懂了相当大一部分,两门经济学课没白上呀,即使当Finn扔出一堆数学表达发的时候我还是很懵。观察到Finn绝非一位演说家,上天确实在才能分配上是公平的。

春假前几天舒舒服服的休息了一下,看了几部电影,angle&demon, he’s just not that into you, new moon, 猎鹿人前面冗长无趣,没看下去。春假天气大好,在家附近转了转,羡慕美国人住house遛狗开车的生活方式,一个国家在恰当的时候恰当地发展壮大,对其人民来说是最幸福不过的事情了。

和刘恋辰,卢怀舒还有一个商学院的女生一起吃饭,问了点综合新闻课的情况,她们三个都是成都那边的人,虽然在国外,但是还是能明显感觉到因为南北方差异造成的融合障碍。

和程华聊了一次天,他本科北大新闻,在路透中国工作两年,目前在这读经济研究生。他说的好些东西确实让我对未来有了更实际的考虑。比如外媒终究还是外企,一方面它们收到制度和文化差异的限制,目前只能做些表面报道混口饭吃,另一方面国人在其中的发展空间比较小。这就像我前些天看到的一篇讨论国内年轻人就业问题文章,选择进入外企的人起初会觉得很风光,当然待遇也不错,只是那是企业的成功,而非个人的成功,等到在外企里做个三五年,很多人发展到极限,加之大批的年轻人涌入就业市场,薪资要求低又有活力,中年危机跟这个有一定的相关性吧。在国内的主流媒体做也是条不错的道儿,我不能太自以为是,其实大家都是明白人,只是碍于制度和生存,最终传播出去的东西很正统甚至呆板而已,但是不管是由内还是自外,大陆在不断转变,改革开放算是国家给人民的一个承诺,兑换的是大众暂且放下政治改革。30年的经济成果确实非同一般,什么都需要一个过程,这头背负重犁的老黄牛在泥泞中一路走来已相当不易,想让他一夜之间蜕变为轻型骏马谈何容易。国家发展真的不是件能攀比的事情,溯源的是最好的思考方法。美国的发展道路不可复制更不可盲目崇拜,良好的制度基础两次世界大战还有全球扩张掠夺等等堆积起足以吓剎旁观者的繁荣,但是她也有的是自己的问题。我认为一党制并不逊于三权分立,祖国只是需要政治改革,一党制可以集中力量干大事,这才真正适合目前的国情,大陆几个最近繁荣起来的城市不代表真正的中国,那些丰衣足食终日只看好莱坞大片的年轻人只是13人海里的一滴水。况且看似完美无缺的三权分立也长伴腐败甚至制度失灵。我一直在想像未来没有国界的社会,但那真的好遥远,目前的国际关系还是合作着的竞争,比如美国为了缓解经济危机,一再迫使人民币升值,中国要坚守出口加上又没表态要合作制裁伊朗,美国就打出台湾军售和达赖喇嘛的牌,还有网络攻击的问题,美国也没少攻击中国的网络,只是人家叫的响罢了。美国政治和经济的暧昧关系臭名昭著,国会和大财团勾结牟利,只不过现在是用油价,谷歌和欺负丰田,过去是赤裸裸的战争和抢劫罢了。

感觉有好多东西一起涌在脑子里,不知道怎样一起完善得表达出来,也因为自己目前了解的太有限。虽然我不是很欣赏程华那种略略炫耀理论爱占上峰的性格,但是他的建议让我多学东西多经历事情我是真正记在心里的。

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